I recently got on a Rick Reilly trip, reading some old articles that he wrote, finding posts online and in this case seeing my life flash before my eyes. Here's another article that every sports parent needs to read.
I am sure that I probably don't have the rights to reprint this entire article, especially since it was printed in a high circulation magazine owned by some large corporation that employs more lawyers than their are residents in the city that I live in. So, I won't reprint the whole article. I'll bleep out some parts that aren't too relevant, but I highly suggest that you get a Sports Illustrated online subscription and read it here. As a sports parent, I saw a good part of my life flash by and I am sure you will do the same.
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I went out to get my paper this morning and found my neighbor Dalton instead.
He was slumped on my stoop, looking as though he'd slept under a marching band. His eyes sported five-pound bags, his right hand was bandaged and bloody, and his face was sunk like a bad soufflé.
"My God!" I said. "What happened to you? You look like a 20-car funeral!"
"Youth lacrosse happened to me," he grumbled. "The Competitive Elite Lacrosse League. My little Ashley made one of those 'travel teams.' Pray it never happens to you, dude."
He explained. "See, I really never thought Ashley was all that hot at lacrosse, and she's only 14. But when she made this competitive team, all the parents said it was a big honor. They said it's the only way to make your high school varsity, and it's the road to a scholarship, and it looks great on your résumé.
"I'm not even sure Ashley wanted to do it. But all of her friends made it, so she just had to do it. What was I gonna do? Tell my little girl no? "
"Next thing you know, I'm writing a check for $1,500. ..."
"My wife can't do it 'cause she has to take Justin to hockey every day. Why an eight-year-old nearsighted kid needs a 42-game schedule is beyond me. ..."
"So pretty soon I got no life. Family dinners? Forget it. Every meal is in the car -- righthanded Taco Bell. I almost never see my wife awake. ...
"..."
"... And do you know who we see at these tournaments? The same d*** girls we used to play in our neighborhood league! Essentially, we're flying across the country to get our a** kicked by the same exact people!
".. it turns out they don't really want to be there either, but their kids were saying we were going to do it, so they had to!
"...
"...Denise can't work because she's spending every waking moment in a freezing ice rink, which makes her joints stiffen up. Luckily, Hans knows some New Age massage technique that makes her feel better.
"So now I'm getting no sleep, turning my stomach into a Dumpster and having less s** than a dead monk. But before I can put my foot down, my boss does. He fires me! And as he's firing me, he adds, 'By the way, the average lacrosse scholarship is $1,000, you putz!' ...
...
"Nice. So I go home to tell Denise, but she's not there. ... Turns out she moved in with Hans. Says she wants to be with someone who 'knows' her. Oh, and she really likes massages.
...
"And do you know what I learned from all this, man? I learned that the most viciously competitive sport in the world is parenting.
"..."
