I found the following letter online and found it very appropriate to situations that many youth athletes, parents and coaches find themselves in today. The letter was not attributed where I read it so the author goes unknown for now. The letter was originally geared towards the ice hockey parent, however, I found it very appropriate to many team sports, especially elite level team sports and I have experienced this situation personally in different sports. Because of this, I modified the letter slightly, so that it is not specific to any one sport.
Of course there are always good and bad experiences when it comes to youth sports teams. This letter is not indicative of everyone’s experience. My hope is that the people reading it realize the situation they are in and do everything that they can do to correct the problem. The more we as parents work together to avoid these types of situations the more our children will gain from their sporting experience and the more time they will spend enjoying their sport. After all, the sport is for the child, not for the parent.
An Open Letter to sports parents
A sports team is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship. One man is in charge - the coach. There has to be a strict standard applied and enforced. The players cannot be the ones to make the decisions or to go off on their own and be free to do whatever they want on the playing surface. It cannot work that way.
There has to be a system and responsibility to adhere to that system. This letter is directed to the Moms and Pops whose malicious and shameful conduct are responsible for turning what began as a season of promise and potential into a nightmare to be loathingly endured. Here are a few of the lowlights:
- Initiated several public verbal altercations with the head coach outside sporting venues after games in direct violation of Club bylaws and team rules.
- Dedicated to disrupting the team by working the stands to enlist any similarly inexperienced, sycophant parents willing to swallow the rhetoric.
- Undermined the coach's authority and character in the dressing room after a game in front of the players and their parents with the remark: "Don't worry kids, you only have to put up with this guy for a few more months."
- Without any discernable cause or justification, attempted on several occasions to coerce the head coach's termination by the Club's Director of Coaches and President.
No one is bigger than the team; however there always seem to be one or two who believe they are. Their actions have caused considerable damage to the team. Not only is this type of behavior an outrageous breach of club bylaws, it is just plain spiteful.
In my years of involvement in this sport as a both a player and coach, I can tell you with certainty that there is more to this game than teaching the fundamental skills. There is commitment, dedication, mental toughness, overcoming adversity, and above all, accountability to the team. It is extremely difficult if not impossible to impart these things to the youngsters when one or two "cancers" who know little to nothing about the sport are committed to destroying the experience for the majority.
At tryouts you sat alongside everyone else as the coaches outlined their goals, policies and rules for the team. A coach's sole accountability is to the players and the club. Everyone was clearly advised of our philosophies and intentions from day one and your options were made clear--evaluate the situation, then either go along or move along. You had plenty of time to make a choice. The fact that you chose instead to break from the team and form or join your own little clique and set upon trying to make this season as un-enjoyable as possible for everyone has had a devastating effect on this team.
By engaging in negative and divisive behavior in the stands, at practice, outside the sporting venue and behind the scenes all you succeeded in doing was to trash your reputation with the other parents and undermine your own youngster's experience and enjoyment of the game. A simple suggestion for next season when you inevitably encounter the next coach who refuses to allow you to run the team by proxy: if you find there is a MAJORITY of like-minded parents on the team, then take action and try to change the situation. However should you once again find yourself in the minority, please go someplace where you'll be satisfied and allow the others to enjoy their season.
Why embarrass yourself and your family by sitting there nodding at the coach and "agreeing" to things you have no intention of abiding, then polluting the season making everyone as bitter and miserable as you are? Have the maturity or at least the common decency to move on.
Most coaches have a genuine passion for the game and many have been directly involved as a player, coach and volunteer for enough seasons to have forgotten more about the game than you will ever learn. Any monkey in the zoo can throw feces. If you have anything positive to offer, get involved and share your expertise. Find your own team to coach. If you can't support, get out of the way of those who are trying.
In closing, I advise you to take care in choosing your actions and associations. The local sports community is small, and you'd be surprised how easily the word on you gets around. Consider this at next season's tryouts when the coach has to choose between your kid and another of comparable ability, whose parents know how to conduct themselves within a team dynamic.
From
The Coach
